Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Trifecta Week 78, Arthurian Fashion: A Discussion (of Sorts)



                We are at our favorite restaurant.  The waitresses’ skirts are all at least two inches shorter than the aprons they wear, which is one reason Arthur loves it.  “I think I’m in love,” he says, leering.
                “Which one?  The one whose thighs meet at the knee?”
                “No, the one with the tube socks pulled up.”
                I look.  “She’s got a plastic flower in her hair.”
                Arthur shrugs.  “I’m a sucker for tube socks..  Oh yeah, and remember that girl in my class?  The one with the retainer?”
                I remember.  He had shown up at my house a week before, prancing.  It’s a revolting activity for anyone, but particularly nauseating when performed by a thirty year old single man.  “She has a retainer, that’s almost as cool as braces,” he had reported gleefully between prances.  “I’m so going to make her date me.”
                “How’s the romance of the Orthodontic World going?”  I say now, squeezing a lemon into my iced tea.
                “Well, I’m not asking her out after all because I found out she’s lactose intolerant.”  He picks up his menu and studies it.  “Do you think the steamed vegetables will have cauliflower?  I hate cauliflower.”
                “You’re seriously not asking her out because of that?”
                “Of course.”
                “And you accuse me of harboring phobias and quirks?”
                “You were the one who rejected a guy for leaving his participles dangling.  God, you're pedantic.”
                “”I’m not dating a dangling-participler.  And before you even bring him up, we will not address the man with split infinitives.”
                “I don’t care if a girl communicates in grunts and obscene gestures, as long as she can eat cheese with me.”
                “Ah, the romance of cheese.”
                “In fact I’d almost prefer that she exclusive uses obscene gestures, now that I think about it.”
                “I can’t believe you’re so prejudiced you won’t go out with someone because she can’t have dairy.”
                “It’s important.  Yes, even more than retainers.”

10 comments:

  1. Funny scene, terrific dialog. Had I been sitting next to them and eavesdropping as I do in restaurants I would have laughed out loud. Hopefully they would have laughed with me.

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    1. I eavesdrop in restaurants, too...and on buses, BART, anywhere, really. I am sure they would have laughed with you; how can you be that ridiculous and not know it?

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  2. The dialogue between the two flows so well. They are definitely a quirky pair. Can't say I nixed a relationship because of dangling participles or split infinitives. I was happy if they picked me up on time and didn't belch at the table :)

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    1. I once objected to a date because of his regrettable goatee...now my husband tries to grow one if the Penguins are in the playoffs. It's all perspective, I suppose ;)

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  3. Great banter, which is difficult to achieve. Well done, Delanie :))

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  4. I love the quirky characters. They were a lot of fun. Dialog was terrific.

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  5. I kind of totally agree. Cheese is a deal-breaker. :-) Not so much with the dangling participles. The rules are less clear on that one.

    Love this. Don't forget to come back and vote at the end, ok?

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  6. Grammar and food. I love it. (RogRites)

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  7. What the other person can or cannot eat would be important to me too (: Great little piece!

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