Wednesday, March 27, 2013

A Commercial Approach to Married Life

Last night JedI and I were watching the final episode of Face Off, because we love it and *NOT* because we have become a boring married couple who stays at home and watches "their shows."  A commercial came on for (I think) Ace
Hardware, with a man rushing in panicked about having lost his wedding ring down the sink drain.

"That would be me if I lost my wedding ring," JedI informed me.  "Actually, even his panic wouldn't compare to what I would be doing.  I would actually vomit with panic.  I would be sprinting into the hardware store with vomit dribbling down my chin.

"Also," he continued, really getting into it, "I would probably have shit myself, so there would be a brown stain down my backside.  Probably peed as well, so I would also have a big wet spot on my front.  And I probably would have started to lose my hair.  Actually, I would have developed a tonsure, with like three hairs growing out of it.  I'd look like Ziggy, minus the big man cover."

"Maybe you should just forego pants and wear the Ziggy man cover," I suggested.  "Your buns could hang out the back and be all cute."

"Good idea," he agreed.  "By not wearing pants at all it means I could just spend 25 cents at the car wash to hose myself off before going into the hardware store.  Except I'd be so panicked I'd probably inadvertently aim wrong and shoot my penis off with the spray hose."  He started mimicking himself at the car wash, flopping all over the bed and sobbing "Oh, God, no, no, no..."

 Anthony won Face Off.

I won a man who makes me laugh until I cry.

This message is not in any way sponsored by Ace Hardware.  (I am pretty sure they would disavow anything to do with us, and possibly refuse to ever sell us anything, ever, if they knew their commercial led to a conversation like that.)