Sunday, February 26, 2012

Pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza

" I had an acquaintance in college that was very outspoken on the "rule" that you should never order garlicky foods if you were going out on a hot date. She had a lot of dumb rules like this because she was the sort of person that would never do something so gauche as wear white after labor day. Quite frankly, I thought she was as dumb as a box of hair and I always made a point of traipsing through my dorm in a white sundress the day after Labor Day just to irritate her(and the dumbest thing was that it DID irritate her). But while I thought that most of her views were merely stupid, the rule against garlic on a hot date was pure evil in my view. Garlic is one of those things that makes life better and the idea of being involved with a man who I couldn't share garlicky kisses with? Why bother? Kisses shared over a hot loaf of garlic bread and a cheap bottle of red wine – THAT, my friend, is the kind of passion pool for which I have ever longed and found." (

She found her man, I found mine. Both (apparently) don't mind garlicky kisses and God bless 'em for it.

And here, my friends, is a recipe for roasted garlic pizza which totally makes me happy.

Kitchen equipment:
A whisk
A Cuisinart or blender
A pizza stone or pizza pan

Food part:
1 pizza crust of your favorite kind, and nobody will judge you if it's Boboli
30-40 cloves of garlic
2 T olive oil
1 cup milk
2 T butter
1 T flour
1/8 to 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
salt/pepper to taste
TONS of mozzarella/fontina/parmesan/any white cheese you have around the house that might have survived the midnight forays into cheese snacking
balsamic vinegar to dip every delicious bit in until you realize that you are embodying everything your teenage friend says about wine "It's better when you get older even if it turns into vinegar and arsenic." and realize HE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN REFERENCING WINE.

(1/2) Preheat oven to 375. If you have a pizza stone and aren't afraid of it, let it preheat in the oven. Otherwise just let the oven preheat and get out the pizza pan. Try not to glare at it for taking up a large portion of the 6 square feet of counter space you have. It's going to do you a favor in just a minute.

(1) Prepare pizza crust and put it on the spacesuck pizza pan and/or pizza stone. (If you really want a homemade one, I do have it. Let me know and I'll help.)

(2) Take garlic cloves that are still in their handy, deity-or-strictly-coincidentally- nature made wrappers and toss 'em with the olive oil. Put them into the center of a square of aluminum foil, put another one over the top, fold each edge into a lovely Scout "hobo dinner" square and toss into a 375 oven until they are easily pierced with a fork (20-30 minutes approximately). Remove and let cool.

(3) Melt butter in saucepan, whisk in flour and salt/pepper, and cayenne. Cook for 1-2 minutes. Add flour and whisk until smooth and thick. Scrape into a Cuisinart (or the cheap blender you have sitting out on your counter if you're not in the mood for cleaning the Cuisinart) and squeeze garlic out of its handy wrapper into the sauce. Don't be afraid. Add 20 or so cloves of garlic. Puree until smooth.

(4) Spread onto pizza crust. Resist the urge to eat as much of it with a spoon as you possibly can.

(5) Remove all of the nasty, inedible outside bits of the remaining roasted garlic and put the roasted garlic on the pizza. You may at this point feel the need to add at least two or three pieces of denuded garlic to a crusty slice of sourdough bread. This is ESSENTIAL to the process, if you're feeling it, and no good will come of denying this need.

(6) Sprinkle with all the white cheese in the house. (I don't recommend the apricot Stilton but any mild cheese should not be discounted.)

(6) Bake until pizza cheese is bubbling and golden brown.

(7) Let it sit for a few minutes. While you may convince your sweetie that garlicky kisses are not to be denied, it is REALLY hard to convince them that someone galloping around a kitchen shrieking "My tongue! My tongue! ARGH, it burns, it BURNS!" is remotely sexy.

(8) After it has reached human consumption temperature of coolness, drizzle with a good balsamic vinegar and devour. Prepare to eat at least three pieces of this, telling yourself all the while that they are small and not commercial-sized pieces, so it's okay.

I love you, roasted garlic pizza. If I weren't making barbacoa pork salads for dinner tomorrow, I would totally have indulged in you Right Now.

Monday, February 20, 2012

An Ode to Bacon

I am about as technologically savvy as, well, nobody. Everybody is more technologically savvy than I am. So when my little sister said "You need to get on Pinterest!" I whined, and carped, and caviled, and generally didn't understand it and didn't want to.

Then I finally figured it out...and Ye Gods, Like I Didn't Have Enough Timesucks Before. It's horribly addictive; pretty pretty pictures, and the food...wargh, the food...

So I have arranged my day because I saw these and realized that my life is absolutely incomplete until I make and eat browned butter and bacon chocolate chip cookies.

Here is a picture:


and here is her recipe.

You're welcome.